How Important is My Relationship with…?

As a mother the most important thing to me is the relationship with my family, second only to our relationship with God.

It was really serious because before I started singing I had told God that I had to have peace with my daughter. And the Lord had brought peace back then, a week prior to my decision to sing again.

I know most people when something goes wrong with relationship, they just keep doing what they’re doing, work or whatever, but I don’t move until the relationship is restored. Sometimes literally.

Now needless to say my husband doesn’t walk that way or we wouldn’t eat. But even he will put aside work and choose to be late and get in trouble if there’s a riff that seems serious. That’s just always been what we do. We can lose jobs, we can lose the house, but we can’t lose each other. And that mentality goes for the kids as well.

One time when my daughter was in third or fourth grade I kept her back from school one day until we were reconciled. We just pray and talk. Take space and then pray and talk again. We also would take at least once or twice a month off school for a family day so the girls could spend time with their dad who work nights and weekends. School takes second place to family. As they got older that was harder to do, however, even then we always tried to make Church a priority, even when my husband was working nights and weekends. That being said there were plenty of times where he was just plum too tired but the girls and I would always go if we weren’t sick.

Now it sounds to me like I’m boasting but it’s only God’s grace. I screw up so much. I’m so bad at natural normal things. But I’ve learned to ask God to help me and he does. Our Pastor told me to stop putting myself down so I guess I have to stop that. I’m good at loving my children, not so good at keeping the house clean.

Years ago there were a lot more conflicts just because of life. (And female hormones, which start at age two in case anybody is wondering, and also chemical imbalances don’t help either, you know bipolar, depression….) But we really would strive not to let the sun go down on our anger.

With the girls, I would stay by their bedside praying until we made up when they were little. So if they were mad at me I would just pray, often out loud reading the Bible until they would come to me and say sorry. And I would always try to say sorry if it was my fault.

I’m just referring to my immediate family, not every relationship. I do not quite understand spiritual authority, but there is, I believe, a Divine authority that a godly mother and father have in their own home to break spiritual strongholds over their children and over their household.

One beautiful thing in the Old Testament law, there was a law where a father of an unmarried daughter, or the husband over a wife, could nullify a foolish vow within a certain number of days, I think it was 3 days but now I don’t remember. What a beautiful protection over the woman!

In the Old Testament laws, a person’s vow to God was binding. So if a man vowed foolishly to do something for God, he had to follow through. You see that, now I can’t remember the name of the man but there was a man who vowed to give God the first thing that came out of his house if God would give him victory in battle. That was a day and age where the animals lived in the house and he was expecting a livestock or chicken to come up. The first thing to come out was his single daughter dancing in celebration of him! I’ve heard people debate whether she was sacrificed or not I don’t think she would have been sacrificed that would have been contrary to the laws of God, more likely she was to become the equivalent of a nun in the church. And to serve God and not be married. But anyway he kept The vow because he had to.

Likewise I’ve always been amazed at how Hannah’s husband did not annul her vow to give her first born son, Samuel, to the temple to serve in the temple.

I can’t imagine turning your child over at the age of three to work in the temple for the rest of his life to serve God, knowing that the priests within the temple were completely corrupt. But Hannah walked in obedience and Faith to God. And Samuel was one of the greatest prophets that lived. God blesses a mother’s faith and faithfulness. You see that over and over again in the Bible. But it was interesting because her husband could have nullified that vow, but instead he solidified it.

I can handle just about anything personally, but I need my husband and my kids to be okay and at peace with each other.

Grace. I’m living proof that God loves people and can work with any amount of mess to display his glory.

My brain doesn’t process finances, I rarely can keep my house cleaned and I honestly think my children have prepared dinner more often than I have. Cereal and spaghetti with a can of chicken constitute dinner in case anybody was wondering.

I do make good soups when I can get to them. But love grows here in this mess.

My beloved, we just celebrated our 23rd anniversary, 💞💞💞 still without complaining will come home after working a 10 hour shift and clean the dishes that I have not gotten to get cleaned. So why am I writing? Instead of doing dishes? Someday that is a question I will ask God in heaven, but my brain has a lot of problems processing movement after a certain point. And there is a certain level of pain in my body that makes physical tasks difficult for more than four to five hours.

But in his mercy and Grace, God took my depression, my video game addiction and trying to hide in screen time from all of my faults and failures, and he made something beautiful out of the mess. He has a tendency to do that. A baby born in a stable to become king of everything, and I mean everything, past present future. The worst day of History, the sinless son of God being crucified and killed, and God even took and made that beautiful for the salvation of mankind. There is nothing our God cannot do.

But in my life, there’s no way any of it would have happened if it hadn’t been for the love of my husband and my children.

I don’t know whether it’s right or a sin or not and I really ask God to forgive me because I know it’s not right to put my children before God but I don’t think I’m doing that, I don’t know.

I know most people when something goes wrong with relationship, they just keep doing what they’re doing, work or whatever, but sometimes I don’t move until the relationship is restored. I do not feel capable of moving forward with things if the people in my family are at odds and angry.

There are really practical ways to bring peace into a home. But, I do believe it depends on more than one side being willing. However mothers do have a lot of authority in the home for peacemaking. Depending of the experiences and circumstances people have come out of, it can take many years. Healing has to come. But love never fails. However Christ is the hero not us. I am incapable of doing anything but for the grace of God and Christ’s love poured out on me.

I suppose one could write a whole book on peacekeeping in the home. One thing is realizing what is important and what is not important, and putting the expectations of others into God’s hands. It’s sort of funny cuz I’ve heard so many people in this world complain about the laws of God, but it is so much easier to live by the laws of God than it is to live by the laws of the world. The laws of the world has so many expectations that are completely unrealistic. Rules about how you have to look to be accepted, how you have to act, don’t forget to wear makeup! You have to get A’s in school. So many rules in this world, but in God’s Kingdom there are two rules: Believe in Jesus Christ and be saved. Love God and love people. You don’t have to have a whole bunch of wealth, you can love simply and live simply because your identity and your provision is all found in God. However I think sometimes Christians miss that tiny detail.

If the first time a couple has an argument they agree to sell something and give that money to the poor, and then every time they have an argument you sell something and give the money to the poor, eventually your brain gets trained in the proper manner of what’s important and what’s not. My husband had to sell two old VW buses, plus I think it was three VW bugs to help pay for bills. Now that is true love. And when I forgot to put the parking brake on, and the car crashed into the new garage he had just built, his response was, well it was a good thing I put the garage there otherwise the car would have gone off the drop off. Yeah that is love. That’s the kind of love Jesus has for us, the kind of keeps loving. We fall really short of that, but when you keep going to church and reading the Bible and listening to God’s word, over time you grow in that love as you are obedient to the things that you know to do, like be baptized and take communion, honestly there’s no more amazing life than a life walking with God. It doesn’t mean it’s perfect. And it certainly doesn’t mean it’s without suffering, but it does mean relationship is first. Relationship with God, and relationship with each other.

I am sustained by the love of my mother and my friends and my pastors, and when I have problems I call and ask them to pray. I am really thankful for them.

I guess humility has to play a piece too. If someone’s not willing to admit that they are wrong, the battle is much harder.

I just see God over time has made it beautiful, which is what he does.

Now needless to say my husband doesn’t walk the same way I do, stopping everything until relationship is restored, or we wouldn’t eat. But even he will put aside work and choose to be late and get in trouble there, if there’s a riff that seems serious. That’s just always been what we do. We can lose jobs, we can lose the house — thankfully that never happened — but we can’t lose each other. And that goes for the kids as well.

One time when my daughter was in I think third or fourth grade I kept her back from school one day until we were reconciled. We just pray and talk. Take space and then pray and talk again. Now it sounds to me like I’m boasting but it’s only God’s grace. I screw up so much. I’m so bad at natural normal things. Our pastor Kent told me to stop putting myself down so I guess I have to stop that.

I’m good at loving my children, not so good at keeping the house clean.

Years ago there were a lot more conflicts just because of life. But we really strive not to let the sun go down on our anger. With the girls I would stay by their bedside praying until we made up when they were little. So if they were mad at me I would just pray, often out loud reading the Bible in their room until they would come to me and say sorry. And I would always try to say sorry if it was my fault.

I’m just referring to my immediate family not every relationship.

I can handle just about anything personally, but I need my husband and my kids to be okay and at peace with each other.

Grace. It is the air that I breathe. It is what sustains my relationship with God, and with my beloved family. To that God gets all the glory all the time. To him alone be all the praise forever.

God’s peace.